Why I Keep Making Goals

For some people, it seems insane to keep making goals only to change them again a few weeks later because something happened. Again and again.

Not too long ago, I was told to just take a break from everything, stop making new goals, just to focus on my health and myself for a while. While this is certainly good advice for many people who get stressed out by goals (or rather by not being able to reach their goals), it wouldn’t work for me. And here’s why:

I feel lost when I don’t have any goals. No matter how insignificant a goal might be, if I have one, I know which direction I’m trying to go. If I’m left without any goals, I won’t know in which direction to take my days. I will just be floating in the wind, powerless to choose my own direction, and I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like to feel as if I lost control of my life.

So I keep making goals. Goals give me something to move towards. They give me structure and a direction. They give me back some control, or semblance of it.

When you’ve lost so much due to health, when you’ve crashed as hard as I have (because I refused to acknowledge my growing health problems for a long time because doctors made me feel crazy so I pushed through for as long as I could), any shred of control that you can regain is huge.

Having to adjust or even throw out goals because they don’t work anymore hurts, yes, but for me personally, this is still better than not having them in the first place.

So if you need me, I’ll be here making new goals, or readjusting existing ones, or evaluating goals to see if they’re still obtainable.

Brain Fog and Writing

Yesterday started out as one of those unproductive days where I end up wondering where my time went at the end of the day. So I pulled up my WIP and forced myself to write at least something. After a few sentences (that had taken a long time to think of and write), I fixed myself something to eat and watched a Coursera video while eating. Curioously enough, my brain wandered back to my WIP and I had a hard time focusing on the video lecture, so when I was done eating, I returned to my story. And suddenly the words flowed. I still needed a lot more time than in the past but somehow, I had managed to break through the fibro fog.

I added a whopping (for me) 1,145 words to my WIP yesterday, over the course of the whole afternoon. And it felt great! I felt productive and like a writer once more.

Maybe it was just one of my better days, maybe it had to do with me sleeping better on average since I started my new meds, and maybe it was sheer good luck. I’ll take it. It was finally a day that didn’t end with frustration because I couldn’t get anything done. I even cooked for us in the evening, and had fun doing so (meatballs, potatoes, and vegetables, so not exactly the easiest or fastest dinner but also no high-end three course masterpiece). And it didn’t feel as if I’d depleted my spoons afterwards.

I did, however, forget my meds while cooking and didn’t remember them until four hours later. Yeah, made for an interesting night (my dreams! I swear, whoever writes and directs them is nuts, and my sleep in the mornings is typically so light that I weave in and out of my dreams and fully experience them for hours). Now I’m kind of hoping this doesn’t trigger a new round of side effects for me since my body was finally getting used to them. Guess I can’t win at everything on the same day.

Getting Back into the Habit of Writing

A while ago, I started a new WIP. It’s supposed to be a series of novellas (because I can do shorter stuff much better than long stuff), not related to my children’s  books, and aimed at a more general audience (probably teenagers and up). In a way, it’s an experiment. It’s something new, something that I think may find its audience way easier than children’s and middle grade books, at least when most of your marketing is done online.

It’s been fun writing it so far, even though my initial plan to actually plot before writing this time didn’t really work out. Two days ago, my MC grabbed what little plot I had and ran away with it, laughing at me. So I’m back at doing what I always do: pantsing my way through the story. Granted, it’s fun writing this way since it keeps me interested in what happens next, but it’s not exactly the best way to make me write faster, since it tends to go slow as I may have to stop to figure out what the heck is happening in my story every now and then.

So I set myself a manageable goal of 2,500 words per week (yes, I’m a slow writer, and have always been a slow writer even before my brain fog got worse). And I’m trying to make it a habit to write regularly. My surgery two weeks ago threw me off but I’m back on it. Not up to speed yet, but writing. And by golly, I have missed the feeling of actually being a writer! It’s been far too long since I wrote my children’s books, and then there were a few years of hardly any writing following a burn-out from freelance translating and editing. Which made me feel like an imposter at times, being in those writing and writer’s groups. I hardly talked about my published books, even pulled them from sale for a while after moving since I couldn’t get myself to change the contact information and re-upload the files.

It’s about time to change that again. I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I have published some darn amazing children’s books, even if I haven’t broken any sales records with them. I know they’ve had a positive impact on people’s lives. I know it from the reviews, and from personal feedback. I know it from the excitedly glowing eyes of a girl when she heard there was a second Miro book out in German, begging her grandmother to let her buy it with her pocket money. It’s time to be proud of it again, and to own it.

I’ll make a page on this blog dedicated to my published books, just as a showcase to allow you to window-shop. And I’ll probably start talking about writing a lot more than I used to on here (that doesn’t mean that I’ll stop talking about other stuff, though).

I am a writer. And it feels good.

Life and Other Small Things

Life’s been busy for me lately so I hadn’t even noticed how long ago my last post has been. Sorry for that, not intentionally neglecting you. Just brain fog and other things.

So as of March 3rd, I’ve been officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia syndrome and a severe lack of vitamin D, but my doc is still waiting to see whether the lack of vitamin D is causing everything (I’m taking a high-dosed supplement now on his orders and we’ll check levels again in June). What I did notice after starting the supplement was a boost in energy levels. I’d wake up with more spoons available, and less brain fog. And I have to say, if it stays that way, even if nothing else changes, I’ll be happy. Less brain fog and more energy means I’m able to get more stuff done in spite of the pain, and it means I’ll likely be able to use the awake time when my insomnia kicks in again. You know, instead of sitting on the couch or lying in bed staring off into nothing because my brain and body decide they don’t want to work together, and sleep is not an option. If you want to follow my whole journey of life with fibro, go check out my Patreon page Fibro Warrior (most posts are available to everyone, patron or not).

Right now, though, I’m attracting koalas with my breath. None have come yet, but granted, it’s a long way from Australia to Germany. They have to be on their way. Background: I caught a bad cold, and am currently taking soft pills based on eucalyptus oil, and the oil is wafting up through my esophagus. I can smell it coming up even before it hits my nose. Good thing I actually kind of like the smell, I guess.

I’m still learning Latin, and it’s still a lot of fun–and definitely easier than Sanskrit, which I have to learn for university. Did you know that Sanskrit has eight cases, three numbers, and tons of declension classes? It’s insane! Latin’s six cases, two numbers, and (I think) four declension classes are a piece of cake compared with that.

I found the free spaced repetition website/App memrise, which is awesome! I’m currently (excessively) using it to learn Latin vocabulary, Sanskrit vocabulary, the Sanskrit writing system, Latin and Sanskrit verb conjugations and noun declensions, the Greek alphabet (which, to be honest, I already knew most of but still struggled reading fluently), and Hittite. Yes, they have spaced repetition decks for all sorts of things, even for old and dead languages most people haven’t even heard of. In short, I’m in heaven!

Writing has mostly been neglected, though, since I don’t like writing with too much brain fog. But to make up for it, my brain was so nice the recent nights to fully formulate some parts for my secret writing project–after I had gone to bed, with no intention of getting up again, or anything to write nearby. Needless to say, those well-worded passages have not been stored in my brain.

So yeah, that’s been my life for the past two weeks or so. If you hop over to memrise now to try it out, I’d be interested in how it’s working for you 🙂

One Step at a Time

I’m still getting used to my “new” life, but it’s getting better. I’m one big step closer to getting the right diagnosis after seeing a specialist at the beginning of February (next appointment is at the beginning of March), and I’m trying to find new ways to be productive. I started a Patreon page which I update regularly about snippets from my life with (suspected) fibro, and I’m trying to get back into writing. I actually started my new time-traveller series, but I’ll have to do some more research since I’d like it to be as historically accurate as possible (apart from the fact that my gnomes will travel there, but hey, literary freedom and all that).

First things first, though: Tomorrow’s my exam for university, the one about the Anatolian languages, so I’ve been studying and revising for that.

All three of the A Rogue’s Tale books have been republished as ebooks on Amazon now as well, and I’m finally taking to Twitter. I actually followed a lot of archeological accounts so my Twitter feed is full of amazing photos and interesting facts now.

I’ve also finished the course about Ancient Egypt and its Civilization, and have started my next Coursera course (with a few more lined up to start next week). I love learning new things, and while I’m struggling with attendance at my university at the moment, and still have a lot of times when focusing on anything is difficult, online learning allows me to take it slow while still broadening my horizon.

Hubby is a big source of support for me in this transition time from living a “normal” life to living life with a chronic illness, as are my friends.

So yeah, baby steps for me, but at least I’m walking forward.

Writing for Children

My fellow writer Tiger Herbert was so kind to invite me to write a guest post for his blog, about any writing-related topic, so I heeded the advice we so often hear and wrote about what I know. My guest post “Writing for Children” can be found here.

So hop on over, and maybe leave me a comment if you have further questions (or simply want to tell me how much you liked my guest post 😉 ).

Re-Release of The Lost Diadem

 

After the small publisher had to close its doors due to health reasons before my series was released, I’m happy to announce that all three books will be re-released by me, freshly edited (we were already through with the edits–only minor changes were made), starting–of course–with book one, The Lost Diadem. Trouble in the Mage Guild (part II) and Pirates, Pirates! (part III) will follow soon.

So what is the A Rogue’s Tale series about?

It’s a mystery series for children and YA aged 8 and up, set in a fantasy world with gods and magic. The two main characters Govin and Tayla strike an unusual friendship (a city guard in training, and a street urchin) and solve mysteries together. Each book contains a stand-alone story in chapterbook format, fast-paced and story-driven.

Where can I get it?

Glad you asked. For the time being, the books are only available on Amazon, and only as ebooks. I will explore paperback format as well as more online bookstores in the future once things have returned more to normal for me.