Guess what? I have a secret superpower.

Yep, that is basically what my doctor explained to me, in a nutshell (a geeky nutshell).

So it seems I’ll be doing Feldenkrais (a kind of yoga from what I understand) now. Doctor believes me and takes me seriously, and is working with me to get to the root of my problems. He’s 99% sure Feldenkrais will help me and solve most of my problems, and said to try it out for half a year. If not, I guess we’ll have to dig deeper, but if he’s that hopeful (and his explanations made sense), then I’ll be hesitantly hopeful too.

About that superpower part? According to him, my body developed a hypersensibility to what’s going on with it, so he’s in overprotection mode (since pain is usually a warning sign that something is wrong). It’s basically warning me before anything is wrong, to prevent me from getting something wrong. So if I put too much strain on my knees, for example, it will respond with pain and symptoms that people would normally develop much later, when the strain has caused real problems. Which would explain why, even if the pain and other symptoms last year matched an infection inside my knees, none of the actual signs of infection (warm to the touch, swelling, antibodies in my blood) could be found. Which would also explain why painkillers often don’t seem to work for me. My doc said I’d have to take a much higher dose of them for them to work against this warning pain, which would likely cause my body to respond in turn with every side effect imaginable since it wouldn’t like drugs in me either. So suddenly it makes sense why I know that painkillers will work against certain types of pain but not most of the others.

This would also explain why I went to doctors with real problems and then was sent home, frustrated, after they had told me that they couldn’t find anything wrong (graciously refraining from spelling out that they thought I’d made it up, or my problems weren’t real). This happened several times, which is one of the main reasons why I more or less stopped going to doctors at some point. Too much frustration without help.

Probably the best part about my visit with him today (well, apart from the fact that I now have a diagnosis and a solution that may just rid me of most of my problems if he’s right) was him actually saying that, of course, my pain and my other symptoms are real. Yes, even though he couldn’t find a physical cause in his examination (which also means my knees and back are still okay, apart from the scoliosis I already know about), he told me matter-of-factly that my pain is real. And that I’m not crazy.

It took me so long to try to get a diagnosis again because of all the times doctors dismissed me without answers, and now the solution to my problems might be as simple as learning Feldenkrais and doing yoga. All it took was a doctor to believe me and to look outside the obvious-physical-reason box. I already signed up for a Feldenkrais class, which started two weeks ago actually but will start tomorrow for me, so I’m still sceptical but hopeful that I’ll already feel better by the time Christmas comes around.

Oh, and you want to know just how badass my body is? He said part of the pain and symptoms I feel might just be the normal aging process, that normal people don’t feel until they start having actual physical problems. Yep, my body’s that badass. Now I just need to learn to use my superpower for my own good instead of letting it control me. Where’s Mr. X when you need him?


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