Probably the most important thing, personally, that I read on the Internet in the past year, has been this:
Don’t apologize for needing help, instead say thank you to the people who are there for you.
Don’t apologize for rambling, instead say thank you for listening.
I took the advice to heart. I stopped apologizing for being needy when I’m having a bad day, and instead started to thank my husband for being there for me and for taking care of me when I need it. And this simple change in communication also changed the way I perceive my situation. I stopped being so afraid that it might become too much for him, that he might, one day, leave me because of it, and instead started to really appreciate him for the loving and caring husband he is without questioning my value for him.
At the moment, I’m trying again to get a diagnosis. I’m making appointments with specialists, hoping to find doctors who will take me seriously and try to find the reason for my problems instead of brushing me off or treating the symptoms superficially. I’m also afraid: afraid that I will leave the doctors once again feeling frustrated and with just as many questions as I came, and also afraid of the diagnosis (or diagnoses) if they find the reason(s) behind my problems.
So I will probably need my husband to be there for me even more in the upcoming time, to hug me and to comfort me. And instead of worrying about how much he might resent me for being who I am (with all my health problems), I’m just very grateful and happy to have him by my side.
Thank you, hubby. I love you ❤